15% of My December Sales to an Important Organization

Each year at Christmas, I try to find some worthy causes to donate to in honor of someone I love. This one is for my mom, and for my Oma too.

I will be donating 15% (or $100, whichever is greater) of all of my etsy sales during the month of December to Heart of the Mountains Hospice in Granby, Colorado.

The Heart of the Mountains Hospice, Inc., strives to create options with dignity and integrity in providing high quality home hospice and respite care for individuals and their support systems within the communities of Grand County. Heart of the Mountains is one of the few not-for-profit hospice programs serving rural areas of Colorado. Heart of the Mountains Hospice is a largely volunteer organization, with only a handful of paid nurses. To find out more, please visit www.grandcountyhospice.org.

That means that when you order from my shop, between now and the end of December, 15% of your purchase goes directly towards providing much-needed end-of-life services to people who mean the world to the people who love them.

If you are interested in giving more, please visit the heart of the mountains hospice donation page to make a direct donation (you can even use PayPal - how easy is that??). If you donate $10 or more, I will add an additional free (full-sized) item to your order. Just be sure to send me an email or etsy convo about your donation after you make it.

Well, It's No Corner Office...

But I guess it will do...

The question of the day is whether or not this stunning view from my desk is worth the HOUR and TWENTY minutes it took me to get here... Two days in a row. That's a total of 4 hours and 40 minutes I've spend in the car over the past two days. For $13K less than I'd earn working in my own neighborhood.

*sigh*

Hence the etsy shop.

Giveaway Winner

I guess it goes without saying, Shay-Zee won my little customer-appreciation giveaway! She's the only one who took advantage of my little discount AND came back to comment about it. Reminds me of those little worksheets we do sometimes at school where you tell the kids to read all the directions first, and the last step says to skip all of the first 30 steps. And 30 kids do 29 steps before they get to the end, where it says you don't really have to do anything. (-: Oh well!

Secret Discount and Giveaway Only for My Readers

This Thanksgiving week, I have been thinking a lot about how thankful I am to my loyal customers, who have made it possible for me to not only make ends meet this year, but even have enough left over to surprise my family with season passes to our favorite ski area. This would have been just unthinkable last year, and I am so grateful to those of you who have made this possible for me and my family!

So, as a way to say THANK YOU, I am offering a super-secret deal for all of my subscribers and repeat customers. I'd rather offer a big fat deal to those who really deserve a big thank you, than just eat a bunch of shipping charges like everyone else on etsy is doing this weekend. So, here you go - a special deal just for you!

When you order from my shop from now through midnight (mountain time) on Cyber Monday, please enter "I subscribe to your blog [enter user name]!" or "I'm a repeat customer!" and wait for an adjusted invoice.

You will receive a discount based on the total for your order:

Spend $20 - $50, to get 10% off.
Spend $51 - $74, to get 15% off.
Spend $75 or more and you will get 20% off.
Spend over $100, and I will lavish you with samples and full-size freebies (in addition to taking the 20% off your bill)!

I will also be offering a giveaway for readers of my blog. No purchase is necessary to enter - all you have to do is leave a comment, naming your favorite of my blog posts, or offering a suggestion of something you'd like to see more of here.

I will randomly select a winner from the comments, and the winner will receive a $15 gift credit for my shop.

For extra entries, leave a separate comment for each of these:

1 entry = subscribe to my blog
5 entries = make a purchase from my shop, using the subscriber discount code above.

Thanks again! And enjoy the holiday season! (-:

How To Make The Best of Time You Are Wasting

All I have to say is this: Life is short. There just aren't that many minutes in a day you can afford to waste. I personally recommend wasting them HERE. And don't skip the comments - the readers of Regretsy are every bit as funny as the writer. The best laughs I've had in a long time. I mean, the kind of laughs that do double-duty as a workout. Now you can waste TWICE as many minutes there, since you don't have to go for a run. (-:

Go on, then. I hope to see you again someday... (-;

A "Couldn't Resist" Candid

I love these boys who wear their neckties each day there's a basketball game... and the girls who try to teach them how to tie them.

From the Mouths of Babes - Archives

I usually reserve these for current funnies my kids say, but I was recently reminded of a seriously funny episode with my very "special" 7 year old. He was 5 at the time...

D sometimes comes with me to school, when he's sick but I can't get a sub until lunch time. So we are standing in the hall together and he hears me say to a kid who's having a bad day...

Me: "You wanna hear a joke?"

Student: "Sure."

Me: "A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Why the long face?'"

Student smiles weakly and walks into the classroom.

Later, D is processing what he's witnessed. He does not even sort of understand what has passed between me and this droopy kid. So I explain to him the bartender-genre of stupid jokes. I tell him a few as examples, then...

Me: "Okay, here's another one. A guy walks into the bar. The guy says, 'Ouch!'"

D: "Oh! I get it! I've got one! I've got one! Okay, a beer walks into the bar, and the bartender says, 'What the hell?'"

From the Mouths of 7th Graders...

Here's one to cherish forever...

Today I'm teaching like my hair's on fire. We are unraveling the mysteries of photosynthesis and respiration, playing with legos and exploding sugar molecules -the kids are playing along, but you know, you never can really tell if the get it at all, and then suddenly I've got like three kids on the EDGES of their seats. One, an absolute firecracker (I think he'd chew on my slippers if I left them under his desk), starts bouncing up and down and can hardly contain himself, waving his arms in the air. Good God I think if I don't call on him he's going to explode. He is so excited about the connections he's just made between cellular respiration and a carburetor engine he just has to stop the entire class and explain the whole thing. So the tension is building and all the kids are totally feeling it, and one of the other kids LITERALLY jumps out of his chair and shouts, "Oh my God, I LOVE science!" and then collapses back in his seat. And the whole group starts, like, cheering and stuff. It was absolutely bizarre.

It's the kind of moment you want lock up in a box and keep in your desk drawer, taking it out whenever you need to remember why you're in this game. What I wish is that I had any clue how to tap that energy, or how to recreate those moments. But I can't. They just happen sometimes...

... Thanks, God. I needed that. (-;

From the Mouths of Babes...

Came home the other day in a terrible mood. I think D could tell.

D: "That reminds me, did you ever find out how much a conveyor belt or a zebra would cost?"

Me: (laughing again) "You crack me up kid! Thanks for that giggle."

D: "Well, I really need to know. But how 'bout this time you DON'T blog about it."

I love that he can pull this stuff off with a totally straight face. Love that kid!

Therapeutic Facial Scrub - Oil Cleansing Method With Muscles

Thanks to everyone who provided some very valuable feedback on my Therapeutic Facial Scrub! As a science teacher, I have to admit - hard data just makes me swoon! I have incorporated your comments and feedback into a redesign of the product, making it even better than ever! I ground the sugar to a gentler grit, and added some chamomile and bourbon geranium essential oils to tone down the astringent smell of the carrot seed and pomegranate oils. This stuff is amazing! And it's On sale now in my shop!

When the Climax of Your Week is Barf in the Bed...

I've been a neglectful blogger this week. I just haven't finished any of my post ideas... I'd love to have written a post about our amazing Sushi date at Sushi Den. But I just couldn't do it justice.

And then I thought I'd write about what do do with $200 worth of soap you accidentally left in the oven all night long, and now has the consistency of pulled taffy. But I'm not 100% sure I've saved it yet, as it still needs more testing.

I wanted to tell you about the great day we had last Saturday when we rode the light rail downtown and attended a 350 rally, and had our picture taken along with everyone else who participated in the greatest day of environmental action in our planet's history. But my camera is out of commission, so I don't have any pics.

Then I decided I'd write a post about how important it is to tell someone how you feel when they've hurt you, and how important it is for them to respond at least somehow when you put your heart on the line enough to let them know you're hurting. But then I decided I should stop feeling sorry for myself.

And then I was going to put up a poll about whether or not I should quit my day job and just focus on something I'm actually good at, and which people usually appreciate. But then I was afraid of what the results would be. And decided, again, that I should stop feeling sorry for myself.

So, what I finally decided to write about is what to do when you wake up in the middle of the night, and everyone is barfing and there's nowhere to lay down because everyone has puked all over every horizontal surface, and you can't find a clean blanket to cover up with. Well, like any good mother with OCD, I spent the day doing laundry and cleaning sick beds with the paranoid fervor of a card-carrying germophobe.

So here's the problem I ran into. I have long ago given up on commercial cleaning products. I decided that the health of my family, home, and planet was important enough to craft my own homemade cleaning products for every day cleaning. My stuff works fantastic for windows, counters, appliances, tubs, toilets, floors, furniture, laundry, you name it. I have a product for everything. But what I didn't have in my arsenal was the kind of product you could use when you need to clean up a pile of vomit off of your baby's bed.

Out of curiosity, I turned to the internet to see what research I could find about antiseptic, disinfectant, power scrubbing natural products, laundry additives, whatever I could find. I found pretty much what I expected. Not much. But shoot, I figured there's no point in having a degree in biochemistry and all this experience in formulating natural cleaning products if you can't put it to use in a desperate situation!

So, I've done it. It's my "Mama Means Business" Desperate Situations Cleaning Solution. Most of my cleaning products are seriously safe. I mean, you could drink the stuff and suffer a tummy ache at worst. Not this one. It's still made of more-or-less safe and natural ingredients, but it's really concentrated, and pretty harsh. It's not the kind of thing you would want to wash the counters with, or delicate linens, or leave where your kiddies could get to it. But if you need to get some serious gross out, and your last resort is to throw the damaged stuff away, or douse the house in toxic chemicals, this stuff is for you.

I love it so much, I'm giving away samples of this masterpiece with the next 12 orders from my etsy shop. You will receive a 1 ounce bottle of concentrated cleaning solution. It is made with a carefully calculated balance of washing soda, handmade liquid soap, vinegar, and strongly antiseptic essential oils - tea tree, lavender, thyme and sweet orange. This stuff is not designed to smell good (although it is a vast improvement over vomit) but I must report, Dylan LOVED it! He stuck his face straight in the spot where he remembered puking, and said it smelled FANATASTIC! - it is designed to kill every last vestige of nausea-inducing puke smell and germs in your house, leaving behind a satisfyingly sanitary, herbal scent. Here are some ways you can use it:

You can pour the whole bottle in with a load of wash, adding your normal amount of detergent, to sanitize sheets, pillows, stuffed animals and blankets.

You can dilute it with 1/2 cup of boiling water in a spray bottle to make a strongly disinfectant cleaning spray, for waterproof crib mattresses, changing tables, and durable surfaces in the bathroom. Spray liberally, let sit for 15 minutes, and then wipe with a clean wet rag.

You can dilute it with 1 cup of boiling water to make a general disinfectant, good for cleaning floors, countertops, and walls. Spray and wipe, or dampen a cloth in the solution and wipe surfaces clean.

You can also dilute it with 1 1/2 to 2 cups of water, used in a spray bottle to mist dry bedding, carpets, and other surfaces that may harbor stinky smells, bacteria, and other cooties. Use a fine mist, and don't let the fabric get too wet. It's possible that it could discolor some fabrics, so test in an inconspicuous place first.

Please know that this formula is made specifically for desperate situations. If you are worried that my cleaning product will ruin your delicate items, please don't use it. But hey, it might just be better than having it ruined by barf and pathogenic microbes.

How To Put on Your Big Girl Britches and Teach

One of the absolute hardest things for me as a teacher is that sometimes I have a bad morning or a bad moment, or a bad day. Those moments that hit you like a train wreck, and you have to deal with some huge emotions all at once, and there's no time to vent it all properly and deal with the situation, because recess is over in three minutes, and the kids are coming back, WHETHER OR NOT you feel ready to take them. Do you ever just feel like you are so upset you can't talk without tears coming out? How do you teach like that???

Well, you put on your big girl pants and get a grip. It totally freaks kids out to see their teachers upset. Not that you can't be a real person and have human emotions. You just need to model for them how to cope with situations when you totally don't want to.

So here's what I do. Skip the bellringer, or warm up or whatever you call it. As kids walk into the room, have the projector on and speakers hooked up, and play something like this (below). You don't have to talk or explain yourself. Just play it.



Now just say, "Oh man I needed that! Do you ever have this kind of day? Some days it's just so hard to pretend like everything is hunky dory. But that was funny, wasn't it? It sure helps to laugh. Okay, now today we are going to dissect flowers." And get right into it.

So. Most immediately importantly, you can get through your lesson without bawling. But I think this has deeper meaning for the kids too. This shows them that EVERYONE has days like those, even their robot non-human teachers! And it shows them that there are healthy ways to cope with your emotions when they are so strong they interfere with your responsibilities. We still have to deal with our problems. We just don't necessarily need to deal with them NOW. Which, for middle schoolers, is a rather novel concept. Every problem is a crisis to them. For real. Poor kids - they probably feel like I did today two days out of every week. They need a giggle in their toolbox too.

Epilogue - I did this once last year too. Every once in a while someone would come into my class having a rough day and ask for a giggle video. It only takes a minute, and it makes a huge difference!

My Very Weak Blog Action Day Post

I've been thinking all day about how I can do my part for Blog Action Day on the issue of Climate Change. I have a hot date though tonight, so it's hard for me to think about anything else... Is that terrible? My mom is taking the kids to Santa's Workshop tomorrow, so we have the evening to ourselves. It's been like... well, forever. Really. A night without kids is something we've not had since practically before kids.

Anyway, all I could come up with is this. Today we were putting diagrams in our science journals - an activity which usually involves liberal use of glue sticks. One kid didn't have his glue stick and asked for some.

Student: "Do you have any glue I can borrow?"
Me: "No, I'm not buying any more glue - once it runs out, that's all there is. Is the glue all gone?"
Student: "Yep. How about tape?"
Me: "I don't use plastic tape, but I have some paper tape. How about that?"
Student: "What's paper tape?"
Me: "It's sorta weird. You have to get it wet first before you can use it, but I just use a spray bottle." (demonstrating use of paper tape)
Student: "WOW! That is so cool! Where did you GET that? And why would you use that instead of normal tape?"
Me: "This stuff is recyclable and biodegradable. I don't like using more plastic than I have to."
Student: "Wow - you are such a geek. That is so crazy."

Following this little jab, he and half the rest of the class queued up for tape cutting and spray bottling and oohing and wowing over how cool my tape was. A few of them even put little scraps of my brown paper tape on their notebooks, calling it the Brown Mark - the sign of membership in the secret order of Norton, dedicated to saving the world from the evils of overconsumption and plastic wantonness.

What this has to do with blogging for action? I am not sure. I think it has to do with trying to influence who you can influence. With trying to do what you can do, and hoping that others decide it's cool enough to emulate. Or with rethinking consumption of materials you would never consider as part of your waste tally. Or that even when someone thinks your geeky little Earth-loving "thing" is weird, it still gets them thinking about it, and when people start thinking about something they've never considered before, that's when you can make a difference. Or maybe it's about that kids are so much more willing to try new stuff than their adult counterparts are. If my coworkers knew about my paper tape, they would just add it to the long and ever-growing list of eye-roll-inducing weird Nortonisms.

I hope you feel inspired to join the Blog Action Day movement, and that your post will be more deep and useful and inspiring than mine. I've got to go eat sushi now, and try hard not to think about the environmental impact of my meal. (-:

Want to Try Out My New Cucumber Rose Facial Toner?

Looking for a few more testers! This time I have a refreshing facial toner, made with some really amazing stuff for your skin - cucumber extract, rose water, green tea, essential oils of chamomile and helichrysum... I think this would be great for all skin types, but especially skin "with issues". I've been working on my formula for quite a while, and really feel like I've hit the jackpot! But I'm a little shy on testers, so I'd love to send you some and see what you think of it. I will send up to 8 readers a one ounce bottle - plenty to give it a real run!

Here is how it works:

1) Leave a comment below, including your email address so I can contact you for your mailing address, and send you the questions I'd like your responses to.
2) Be willing to give me your honest feedback, via email or by taking the survey provided by email link, after you review the product.
3) After I receive your feedback, whether positive or negative, I will give you a discount code for 20% off your next order from my shop.
4) If you blog or tweet about this product or my periodic sample giveaways, I'll give you an additional 10%.
5) This program is only open to US addresses.
6) Maximum discount is $10.
7) If I'm still waiting to receive your last sample review, please pass on this one.
8) All ingredients are fully disclosed on the label, and all efforts to maintain a safe and sanitary lab have been made, but please remember you are testing this product at your own risk. Please read the label carefully to determine whether anything in my products is on your allergy list. For external use only. None of my products are intended to diagnose, cure or treat any medical conditions, and none have been tested by the FDA. But, you know, half the crap that has shouldn't be consumed or applied to your skin anyway, so what's the diff? (-:

Here's to skin care without animal testing! (-:

Thanks to everyone who entered! This trial is now closed. Please follow my blog for the next trial giveaway!

Nerdy Norton's Still Got it - The Jumprope Champion of the Playground

Booyeah. I won at Kindergarten (a jump-roping game in case you forgot) today at recess. Just thought you should know.

Dude. My job rocks.

I Need Cultural Training - Calling All Experts

When I taught in an area with a large population of Hmong immigrants, we had cultural training. So we teachers could understand where they were coming from, what little cultural quirks they had which we would need to know about (like never to use red pen to grade papers because all the sad/bad news comes written in red), that kids will often not make eye contact or even answer a direct question from a teacher... that sort of thing. It was great, because we never would have understood some really important stuff about them without this intervention.

And when I taught in a very impoverished area, we had cultural training on understanding kids coming from poverty. Also eye-opening. How else would I be able to step out of my own values and biases to understand that doing well in school is sometimes an insult to your family and cultural group?

Point is, I have had cultural training for times when I can't help but see my students through white/middle class/English-speaking American glasses, but need some help seeing through the lenses others use. But what about when the lenses we use are forbidden topics of discussion? My dilemma is this - as a biology teacher, I have to teach about scientific principles, whether or not they jive with certain kids' personal beliefs. I'm not talking about evolution. I have been doing the Evolution Dance for eleven years. I get that. What I don't get is what religion, evolution, and politics has to do with recycling and pollution. There are many kids who cringe and plug their ears when I use the "E" word, no matter how emphatically I try to reinforce that there is room in this world for all kinds of ideas about life's important questions, and that science only tells one version of the story, etc. What I absolutely don't get is why these same kids are the ones who say things like, "Animals don't deserve rights," "Global warming is a lie," "My family doesn't believe in recycling," and "Pollution is a hoax."

Okay, so I am trying hard to let go of my own values. I do believe that there is room in this world for all kinds of philosophies, and that the spirit might speak to different people in different ways. But truly, I wasn't aware that this issue of whether or not to "believe" in recycling or pollution was even up for discussion. I am not trying to make this get into an ugly debate - I am just hoping someone can help me understand why some kids are so triggered to the core whenever I talk about the environment. And if I try to change their minds, because I am so sure I am right and they are wrong, is that any better than other kinds of evangelism? Or is it different because, really. I am right. And it's my job.

Okay, sorry for the brain barf, but these things are on my mind. Please comment and help me open my world.

Oh, and for the record. I am not an athiest. I'm a Quaker. (-: Which is probably why I can't just tell it like I think it is. Because maybe it's not. But if I feel moved to say it, shouldn't I? Okay, yielding the floor now...

Nerdy Norton's a Corner-Cutting Teacher Too - AKA How To Cut Your Grading Time By 90%

You might remember my recent post about study strategies, in which I confess to being a life-long corner-cutting geek. Or not, as no one commented, so I can only assume no one gives a rip about study strategies. Oh well. Probably no one cares about corner-cutting teaching strategies either, but that's the lonely thing about being a geek - no one but you can really appreciate your nifty little talents. (-;

So, on the off-chance I might have some teacher-readers (even some student-teacher readers...), what follows is my all-time favorite (and embarrassingly recent) corner-cutting strategy.

You need to come to terms with this simple fact - you are wasting an inordinate amount of time hand-writing individual comments on every student's paper. Do you think your students even read all of those carefully worded comments? Do you honestly think they can actually read your handwriting after the 45th paper? Don't kid yourself. 9 out of 10 kids don't care any more about what you wrote on their paper than they cared about doing the paper in the first place. Does that mean you don't have to write any comments? Heck no. Every kid deserves to have a carefully chosen piece of constructive criticism neatly written in at least one place on every paper, whether or not they bother to read it. You are ripping your kids off if you don't do this. But that doesn't mean you have to spend 4 hours grading every assignment.

All you need is a few sheets of mailing label paper to make some grading stickers. These are NOT rubrics. A rubric is a pain in the ass. Seriously. As if those are actually making grading more objective. Please. All it does is make it take EVEN longer to get the work graded, because you have to carefully analyze which descriptors best apply to the student work, and then you STILL have to write explanatory comments all over the paper to justify your decision. Ewww... What you are going to do is imagine all of the places where kids are going to goof, and all the places where you can be dazzled at how wonderful their work is. Think of a really wonderful comment to write on the paper for each of these occasions. Now type those comments into a template for your stickers. Here is my template, if you are interested in seeing it. I basically thought of 6 things kids could do wrong when graphing some data for an experiment. I do two comments per sticker, and cut them in half. I get 60 comments per page this way, and I could just do cartwheels over all the hand-writing I have saved myself.

When I'm grading these graphs, I make it a 6 point assignment, and count off however many stickers are used. You forgot to label axes, and write an appropriate title - 4 out of 6. Two stickers explain very clearly what you could do to prevent this error next time. I just spent 17 minutes doing what used to take me 2 hours. And I did a much better job at it than I ever used to do. And that is the beauty of being a corner-cutter. (-;

I'd love to hear from anyone who gives a hoot about this post. Is this kind of thing useful? Pointless? Should I just go to bed? Do you have something better? I'd love to hear any feedback! (-:

Want to Try Out My New Therapeutic Facial Scrub?

I'm once again looking for a few good testers for one of my newest formulations. This one is a facial scrub. Not a soap this time, but more like a sugar scrub specially designed just for your face. I've been playing around with the Oil Cleansing Method, which works amazingly for my *ahem* aging (yet acne-prone) skin. Love the oils - so gentle and pure! But some days are, you know, just dirtier than others. Like the days when you play in the dirt and fallen leaves with your kids. Or spend 2 hours brushing the dog. Or after 4 days of camping. Or bushwhacking through the woods all day with your 7th graders. Or a day at the zoo when there's a thermal inversion and you feel like you've absorbed a pound of airborne toxins right through your skin. Or four days after sunburning, when your face starts to peel off. On those days, don't you just want to do some scrubbing AND feel moisturized when you are done?

So this one is a scrub made with organic cane sugar, and a combination of skin-loving oils I just love for my face - my home-brewed organic olive oil and calendula infusion, rice bran oil, jojoba oil, and organic sunflower oil. Plus, I added some therapeutic essential oils - lavender and tea tree for their antimicrobial and skin-balancing properties, carrot seed oil and pomegranate oil for their reputed anti-aging effects, and some of my new favorite essential oil - helichrysum. At $200 per ounce, it's by far the most expensive oil I have in my stash, but it is absolutely essential in any skin formulation. It is known for stimulating cell regrowth and healing, minimizing the appearance of scars and bruises, and as a powerful anti-aging oil.

Just take a dab of this exfoliating concoction and work it slowly, in very gentle circles, around your face. Use a hot steamy wash cloth lain across your face to steam the impurities away, then wipe gently with the cloth. Repeat this a couple of times, until your face feels free of sugar. Don't worry if your skin still feels a little oily and slick - it will absorb quite quickly, leaving your face feeling fresh and clean, and richly moisturized.

Please understand that this product has been tested only on myself and a few friends, and none of my claims have been evaluated by the FDA (or much of anyone really for that matter), and so when you try this product, you do so at your own risk. The formula has been carefully researched, developed, and tested by myself and a few happy guinea pigs, but I can't guarantee you will enjoy the same results we have. Having said that, maybe it's still worth giving a shot, if you're sick of paying out the nose for commercial products that don't work well for your particular skin half the time anyway. It's hard to beat a free trial. (-:

I've got 8 1/2 ounce samples of this therapeutic facial scrub ready to ship to the first 12 people who do these three simple things -

1. Please visit my shop and leave a comment here about something else you'd like to try.
2. Be willing to give me your honest feedback on how you like the scrub, via email, or by responding to my survey, after you have had a chance to run it through your tests.
3. Leave me a way of contacting you for your mailing address (like an email address).

When I receive your feedback (whether it is positive or negative), I will send you a 20% discount code you can use on your next order from my shop.

If you blog, tweet, or whatever you do, about this giveaway, I will give you an additional 10% discount off your next order.

The maximum discount is $10.

This giveaway is open only to US postal addresses.

Thanks to everyone who entered! This trial is now closed. Please follow me for the next giveaway!

When the Teacher is the Class Clown...

So, it's parent teacher conference time. You know, that special time of year when I have to hang up my froggy lab coat, put on some makeup and don my grown-up duds, so the parents don't think I look like a total ragamuffin. I pick out a pretty little black skirt, and my favorite black shoes - the Earth Shoes with the negative heel, in which I can actually stand for the 12 hours I have to endure on my feet. But I know it's chilly today, and I hate wearing those shoes without socks, then there's my whiskery legs covered in the scabby traces of recent bushwhacking through the hills behind the school with 7th graders ... What to do?

I do the obvious thing - stop at Walmart for some panty hose on my way to school. Seemed brilliant at the time, and heck, I'm a smart girl - I should be able to figure this out. But apparently this is not something as simple as I expect it to be. It is 6 am, I am going to be late for school. I pick something that looks like a good color and get out of there.

So I get to school, go into the bathroom, open the package, and pull out the panty hose. I shake them out. No feet fall down. Hmm... I reach inside the waist, thinking they might be inside out. Nope. My panty hose have no legs. Apparently what I have purchased is a girdle. Crap! What the hell do I need a girdle for?? Well, on second thought... So I put the thing on anyway, wiggling and squirming the sausage casing up over my muffin top. It certainly doesn't make me any thinner, just a little firmer, but really, who can complain about less jiggle? Unfortunately, it doesn't do anything for my whiskers, scabs, or sweaty cold feet, but boy am I grateful for the extra layer under my skirt as I stand in the wind tunnel that is our playground on recess duty. I come in from recess duty so frigid, I end up putting the cross country coach's running socks on my frozen feet. Which looks right at home with my scabby shins, but not so much the flirty black skirt.

Yeah, so that was my day. Couldn't escape the jokes I had to endure from my fellow teachers. I was THE laughing stock of the day. By the time the parents showed up, I was pretty sure half of them had already heard my ridiculous story. But, you know. Someone's got to lighten the mood in a boring and stuffy classroom, even if they do have to make an ass out of themselves to do it.

Cognitive Leaps From The Kid Who Doesn't Talk Much

From the mouths of babes (the one who is "not much of a talker for a 2 year old")...

I just about fell off my campfire log when G tried to engage me in one of D's favorite games this weekend. Said game is "guess what animal I'm thinking of." It's like 20 questions, only when you're playing with a kid whose IQ is double your own, it gets to be a little more like 900 questions. Takes a while to get to "rhinoceros beetle" and "ornitholestes" you know?

So G says to me:

G: "Want play guess animal I thinkin of?"
Me: "Sure!"
G: "Okay, I got one." (This is the part that cracks me up - he says it just like his brother does.)
Me: "Umm.... Does it fly?" (When playing with D, I've learned to always start by narrowing it down by phylum, but how do you start that way with a 2 year old??)
G: "No! You not guess it! You try again!"
Me: "Does it walk on the ground?"
G: "No! You not know I am thinking of! Try again!" (he is ecstatic at this point that we are playing the game together. His exuberance threatens to dump him head over keester into the campfire.)
Me: "Does it swim in the water?" (no) "Does it crawl?" (no) "Does it feel yucky and wet?" (no) I am at a loss. What could this kid be thinking of???
G: "You not guess it! I win! I pick tree!" And he runs off into the darkness giggling, "I win! I win! I win!"

And just last week I was marveling that he asked for "ski boards"...

The Many Faces of Tragedy

Someday I will get around to writing my own account of what I experienced 3 years ago today. But I'm still not ready. In the meantime, I invite you to read this account from my friend Judy, who tells the story from a parent's view. The bit about the school buses trying to get through made me physically ill. I was on one of those buses. The pain in those parents' eyes and the screaming and pounding, and the students desperately searching out their own parents in the mob... That is what stays with me. An awful, awful day...

This Year My Little Shredder Will Make His Debut.

From the mouths of babes...

After picking G up from daycare, driving home in a blizzard...

G: "Look Mommy big white snow fall from sky I big boy now go skiing???!!!" (Clap Clap Wiggle Wiggle)

Me: "You want to go skiing this year?"

G: "I bigger now! Yeah!"

Me: "Okay honey, I guess you are big enough to go skiing this year. But not today. We need a lot of snow before we can go skiing."

G: "Lot of snow now! In sky! It snow biga! I ski today!"

Me: "Not today, we will ski later when there's more snow on the ground."

G: (Big tears) "But I not have ski boards! You buy me ski boards, then I ski?"

More words than we've ever heard all strung together at once, all for the love of snow. That's a kid after my own heart! (-:

Nerdy Norton's Study Trick - Powerpoint Flash Cards

Okay kids, my tutorials might start taking a new twist, now that school is back in session. These days I'm thinking about how to inspire my students a little more than my fellow Etsiers. I tell my students that I am an expert corner-cutter. I was the Valedictorian of my graduating class (so what if the class was only 80 kids?), never had a B in my life until college, and skied a minimum of two days a week all winter long. Do you think I studied at home? Um, no. College? Never studied there either. My husband has no memory whatsoever of me doing homework the entire time we were dating through college. I had better things to do. Want to know my secrets? (-:

Okay, here's one of my favorites. You really have to stop making flash cards. Seriously. What a waste of time. Even my 7th graders can type faster than they can write. Why are we painstakingly taking an hour carefully writing out our vocab definitions on paper that's just going to get lost, blown away, or destroyed in the laundry?

Here's what you have to do:

1) Open a Power Point document.
2) In the box for the title of the slide, type your vocab word. Please do not waste your play time with formatting text, backgrounds and that kind of silly stuff.
3) Insert a new slide. Type a new vocab word. Continue until you have slides for each term.
4) Go back to the first word's slide. Insert a new slide, and type the definition. Continue until you have definitions for each word.
5) In the slide sorter, shuffle your slides around until you have all the words together, and all the definitions together. Then reorganize randomly until they are all mixed up.


6) Save the slideshow. Now you can do all kinds of things with it! Here are just a few ideas:
- Just play the slideshow, quizzing yourself. See if you can define the terms, and name the terms for the definitions.
- Change the powerpoint slideshow into a movie if you are really tech-savvy, and download it to your iPod.
- Print the slideshow, choosing "handouts" from the "print what" menu. I like 9 slides per page.

- Now that it's printed, you can do several things. I like to cut out all of the cards, and keep them in my pocket. Just like index cards, only it takes about 1/12 of the time to create. If you like the traditional flashcard, you can glue the terms to the definitions. Or, you can leave them separate and practice matching them up (better than the traditional flashcard, which doesn't really require you to exercise your "out muscle" - the one you need to use when you are actually performing on a test). Or, even better yet, you can make a vocabulary train, which is a self-checking vocab tool. If you have done it correctly, you will know when you are finished. Here's how it works:

Please bear with me, as my camera is on the blink. You'll have to just pay attention to the directions. (-; You're gluing terms to definitions, only you're not matching them up correctly. You will have a term on one side, and the definition of a DIFFERENT word on the back. You start by drawing a star on the back of one term card. Set it aside. Then find the definition for that term. On the back of that definition, glue on a new term. Set it aside. Now find the definition for the term just used, and glue a new term on the back. Continue like this until you get to the end, and all you have is one definition left. Draw a star on the back of that card. Now your train is finished.

To use it, you will start with EITHER star card. Pick a star, and turn the card over. lay it down on the table. Find a card that has a corresponding term or definition, laying it down next to the first card. Now flip it over, and find the next "train car" to lay down in the row. If you have matched up your definitions correctly, you will finish up with a star. If you get to the star before you have used up all of your cards, you know you need to revise your work.

Cool, huh? (-:

Now, in order to be an expert corner-cutter, you have to promise yourself to only spend 15 minutes or so on the MAKING of your study tools. The real secret comes from carrying your study tools with you, in your POCKET all day long. You need to utilize those random bits of otherwise-wasted time to study with your pocket study tool. I am thinking you have at least 2 hours of wasted time during each day. Standing in line, riding the bus, waiting for further instructions, sitting on the can. Add it up. You'll find you have all kinds of minutes in your day you can use to study, so you can go home and play. Now go have fun!

Disclaimer - I did not invent this vocabulary train thing, but I have been using it for so long I can't remember where I stole it. If you recognize it and know its source, please let me know so I can give proper credit.

Happy First Day of Autumn?

My students are screaming banshees today. I checked out how long this is supposed to last. Can they at least go to recess at lunch??? Apparently no. There are great big fat gobs of fluffy stuff falling like it's February. And it's not supposed to stop until, oh Wednesday...

Ah well - bring it on! (-: The sooner I can snowboard!

Child-Proofing With Kitty Litter

Unless you have a toddler who can be trusted to stay out of the kitchen and bathroom cabinets, or you and everyone else in your household are actually capable of locking up every single hazardous material in your house with multiple layers of childproofing, you might be at your wits' end trying to keep your little one away from those tantalizingly mysterious concoctions which squirt, fizz, foam, and smell like lemon candy. My problem has always been that my kids figure out how to get through my defenses long before they are savvy enough to figure out not to swallow the stuff I'm trying to keep them out of. Well, I've finally got security even my 7 year old can't crack.

Those lids are HARD to remove! One of those moments of desperation which led to a "why didn't I think of that sooner?" revelation!

What Is On This Kid's Mind???

From the mouths of babes...

Yesterday in the car:

D: "Mom, how much does a conveyor belt cost?"
Me: "I have no idea. Like what kind of conveyor belt?"
D: "You know, just a regular one."
Me: "Well, like a grocery store conveyor belt, or an airport conveyor belt?"
D: "Either kind would work."
Me: "I really don't know how much either would cost."
D: "Okay, then how about a zebra?"

He just leaves me speechless sometimes...